A Christmas tree farmer with dementia named Jay Hickey vanishes from his small town in rural New Hampshire. Jay's wife Patty never reports him missing. A tipster claims "a lot of strangeness is starting to emerge" – and they're right.

From our colleagues on the Document team at New Hampshire Public Radio, the season three premiere of Bear Brook, A Private Matter, tells a story about family estrangement, the growing dementia crisis, and the legal gaps that leave vulnerable people behind.

To listen to more of the new season, follow Bear Brook here: https://play.megaphone.fm/3gfaxmufro-bjytd5eobrg

Visit the Bear Brook website to see photos from Jason’s reporting and transcripts of each episode.

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CREDITS

Host: Nate Hegyi

Our staff also includes Justine Paradis, Felix Poon, Marina Henke and Jessica Hunt

Taylor Quimby is NHPR’s Director of Podcasts

Outside/In is a production of New Hampshire Public Radio

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Audio Transcript

Note: Episodes of Outside/In are made as pieces of audio, and some context and nuance may be lost on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

Nate Hegyi: Hi, Nate here. I just got back from an Alaska to Montana roadtrip. Think long drives across snowy boreal forest. Very little daylight. No cell service. Lots of time to listen to audiobooks and podcasts.

And the one I just binged is from my colleague Jason Moon over at NHPR’s Document team. It’s the newest season of Bear Brook, a true crime podcast. It’s called a Private Matter. Today, we are going to share the first episode.

This story goes in wild directions, has characters that you wouldn’t believe, and also tells a really important story about the dementia crisis in our country.

I am SO excited for you to hear it.

Before we play the episode, be sure to follow Bear Brook on your favorite podcast app.

Now, here’s the season three premiere…

[TONES UP AND OUT]

Jason Moon, narrating: Looking back, the whole thing could have been a Hallmark Christmas movie. Or at least, it would have started out like one.

It all takes place in the little town of Epsom, New Hampshire, population just under 5,000. And in this little town on the side of a little mountain, there’s a Christmas tree farm.

[MUSIC IN]

Katie Bartocci, on the phone: Everyone I knew, if you were local in Epsom, you knew of the tree farm.

Moon, narrating: This is Katie Bartocci. In the Hallmark movie, she’d play one of the supporting characters. The voice of the town.

Bartocci, on the phone: We always got our Christmas tree there, my family always got their Christmas tree there, my sisters always got their Christmas tree there.

Moon, narrating: Katie grew up on a road that leads to the Christmas tree farm. Every year, she watched cars drive by with freshly cut trees strapped on top.

Bartocci, on the phone: So, I'd be like, "Oh! Somebody else got a tree. Somebody else got a tree…" And it was, like, constant. Like, people would be coming up and down the road with trees.

Moon, narrating: To get to the tree farm, you take a dirt road through the woods and up the side of the mountain, high enough to make your ears pop.

Bartocci, on the phone: You get to the top of it and it's just like, the weather was always so crazy. I remember every time we went up there, you either, like… If it was 50 degrees down where I lived, it was, like, 20 degrees up there.

Moon, narrating: When you reach the end of the road, the farm is on either side of you. Fields of grass with neat rows of Christmas trees of different heights. And then there’s everything you’d expect from a classic New England farm — a stone wall, a barn, and a farmhouse older than the Constitution.

[MUSIC OUT]

Moon, narrating: And it’s in that farmhouse that the Hallmark movie’s main characters live. Patricia and John Hickey. Patty and Jay. If the tree farm was an institution in Epsom, so were Patty and Jay.

Patty was the town’s welfare officer for nearly 30 years. Jay was even more civically involved. Over the course of his life, it seemed like he held just about every single post in town government from the rescue squad, to the selectboard. Add to that assistant coach of the local baseball team, which was sponsored by the Christmas tree farm.

In the fall, Patty and Jay would hire local kids to help out for the Christmas season. Here’s Owen Thomas and Colby Calnan.

Owen Thomas, on the phone: I mean, honestly, it wasn't too much. We would just, um… They had like a little car and they'd just keep that on all day, keep us heated. And me and my buddies would just kind of sit there and play games and stuff until a car came up. Sometimes Jay would come out and talk to them. He knew– It seemed like he knew a lot about the trees.

[MUSIC IN]

Colby Calnan, on the phone: He would go and start talkin' about his, his blue spruces, and he would really get into, to the work that he was putting in in the summertime to make it all happen. And, uh, I-I'll tell ya, he is very, very passionate about Christmas trees.

Moon, narrating: The farm was Jay’s baby. He’d owned it since the early 1970s. Patty moved in about a decade later, and together, they'd had a blended family of five kids.

Jay had a big fluffy mustache that swept down and out on either side of his mouth, like two wings taking flight on his face. Patty wore glasses and had long straight hair.

Calnan, on the phone: She's always got a smile — always, always, always had a smile on her face. Very– She'd talk to a wall if you let her. Patty was borderline Mrs. Claus, if you will.

Moon, narrating: Mrs. Claus and the Christmas tree farmer. The movie practically writes itself.

Jay and Patty grow old together on McCoy mountain, surrounded by their blue spruce Christmas trees. They reach their mid-70s. It’s just the two of them now. Their kids have long since grown up and moved away.

[MUSIC UP AND OUT]

Moon, narrating: And then, things go off-script. Jay starts having memory issues. He stops driving. In 2020, he retires from his latest post as the town’s zoning compliance officer. Meadow Wysocki worked with Jay in town government at the time.

Meadow Wysocki, on the phone: When we noticed the decline, he started withdrawing. I mean, I think that was probably the first thing that I saw was that when you were around him, he was very… hesitant to say things to people, like he wasn't quite sure if he was following what was being discussed or that what he was going to say was going to be appropriate, so I think he just kinda shut down.

Moon, narrating: Jay is diagnosed with dementia. Patty becomes his caretaker, which she now has to juggle alongside her job as the town welfare officer. The job involves helping out residents who fall on hard times with loans or other assistance programs. If you suddenly can’t afford to pay your heating bill in the dead of winter, Patty was the person to call.

Wysocki: She would put her office hours around times that she could bring him in with her so that she could, you know, keep track of him and stuff. Um, and I know when we were doing our move from the former, uh, office's location to the current office location that he had attended with her, um, to help with pack– or when she was packing her office. But she had to leave because he kinda wandered off because she couldn't keep track of him really closely and he was out in front of the building kinda wanderin' around.

[MUSIC IN]

Moon, narrating: Most people with dementia will wander at least once. Many will do so repeatedly.

Scientists don’t know exactly why it happens. But inside the brain of a dementia patient, the nerve cells are dying, taking memories, motor skills, even parts of personality with them.

One day, a neighbor finds Jay walking around in the snow without shoes. Another time, a landscaping worker finds him standing at an intersection more than a mile from the farm wearing pajamas and slippers. Jay tells the landscaper he needs to get to a meeting at the town offices.

Some people start to wonder if Patty is taking on too much. Being the town’s welfare officer and a caretaker for someone with dementia… it’s a lot.

[MUSIC OUT]

Moon, narrating: And then, in March 2024, Jay makes the evening news. He’s disappeared.

WMUR TV news reporter: Right now, Epsom police are searching for a 76-year-old man with dementia. Police think he wandered away from his residence, but the timing in this story… [FADE OUT]

Bartoccci, on the phone: My mom, um, gave Pat a call just to, just to say, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." Like, "We're gonna look for him, like… Like, let– You know, let us know if there's anything we can do."

Moon, narrating: On the main Facebook group in town, there’s an outpouring of concern. People offer prayers. They offer to help in a search.

But some people also have questions. Something is off about the timeline of the whole situation. The news report says the last time Jay was seen was in October 2023. So, why are the police just now getting involved in March 2024, five months later?

[MUSIC IN]

Moon, narrating: And then, there was the way Patty was acting.

The news of Jay's disappearance broke on a Friday. The next day, Saturday, just so happened to be the annual “meet the candidates” forum at the Epsom Public Library. Patty was running for reelection as public welfare officer, so she was slated to give a speech. But not everyone expected she actually would, given that police were actively searching for her missing husband.

Katie Bartocci says her mom was at the meeting. She called Katie as soon as it ended.

Bartocci, on the phone: She said, "You're not gonna believe it. Pat was actually there." And I said, "No way!" I said, "Did she say anything about Jay?" "No, nothing." She said that she's re-running for welfare coordinator and she's gonna play it by ear whether she continues on or not, like, year after year. But she did a speech and she was put together and she was… nothing was… nothing seemed out of place besides the fact that she didn't mention anything about Jay.

Moon, narrating: Another person who was at the meeting told me the same thing. It wasn’t that Patty was acting strange. It was that she was acting strangely… normal.

Around the same time, a woman named Cathy O’Mara sees the news that Jay is missing. Cathy was the Hickey family's longtime babysitter. She was close with them.

She decides to go check on Patty. She has a bad feeling about this. How could five months have passed before Jay was reported missing? When Cathy arrives, police are there searching the Christmas tree farm with cadaver dogs.

Cathy O'Mara, on the phone: And I just stood outside and talked to her, and I really just wanted to look her in the face and say, "Pat, what happened? What's going on?" Because just knowing someone for that long, you… [SIGHS]... you just… I knew something wasn't right.

Moon, on the phone: So, what did she say to you?

O'Mara, on the phone: [SIGHS] She was very evasive. She’s just like, "Yeah…" You know, but Pat’s very calm. Like, she’s always been like that, kinda like, "Yeah… I know. Jay’s missing…"

Moon, narrating: But Cathy says, even for Patty, calm as she may be, it was an odd moment to be so… relaxed.

O'Mara, on the phone: If you think about, ya know, you're standing there talking to someone – I hadn't seen her in person for a while – and then, like, people are walking all around your property with dogs and, and police and she was just very like, "Yeah!" Matter of fact. Um, "Yep. Jay’s missing." I'm like, "Well, where is he, Pat?"

[MUSIC IN]

Moon, narrating: "Where is he, Pat?" The police had the same question.

[MUSIC UP AND OUT]

[MIDROLL]

Moon, narrating: Hey, it’s Jason. Before we get on with the story, just a quick note on Season 2 of Bear Brook, A True Crime Story. I know it’s been a long time since our last update. More than two-and-a-half years, actually. I just want to let you know, we are still following Jason Carroll’s case. When we get results from the DNA testing that is, believe it or not, still in progress, we will update that season. The best way to make sure you don’t miss it, is to follow the Bear Brook feed on your favorite podcasting app.

[TONES UP AND OUT]

Moon, narrating: I first learned Jay was missing a couple years ago, in May 2024.

About three months after the news broke about his disappearance, someone reached out to me with a tip. “A lot of strangeness is starting to emerge,” they wrote.

Though, I gotta be honest, to me the whole thing seemed to me sad, but not all that unusual. An older man with dementia wanders off in the woods of New Hampshire… New Hampshire has one of the oldest populations in the country. Dementia rates are on the rise. There are a lot of woods around here to get lost in.

And as far as the missing man’s elderly wife, Patty? She could be in decline, too. Tragic, but, again, not unexpected.

But then, I made a few calls… which led to a few more. And the deeper I got, the more I realized the tipster was right — a lot of strangeness did emerge.

It started when I got my hands on a recording of Patty’s police interrogation.

[RECORDER CLICKS ON]

Det. Chris Elphick: This is Chris Elphick with New Hampshire State Police. It is Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 at 1:18 p.m. I'm at the Epsom Police Department with Lt. James Kear and… Patricia, but Patty?

Patty Hickey: [LAUGHS] Yeah, it's okay.

Elphick: Hickey, right?

Patty: Yes.

Elphick: And how do you spell your last name?

Patty: H-I-… [FADES OUT]

Moon, narrating: At the Epsom Police Department, population six officers, Patty sits down with Lt. James Kear and a state police detective named Chris Elphick. It’s two days before police announce Jay’s disappearance to the public.

Elphick: Patty, um, it's okay if I record our conversation, right?

Patty: Yes!

Elphick: And you're here on your own accord? You drove yourself here?

Patty: Yes.

Elphick: We're in the conference room. If at any time you're like, "I want to leave" — free to do so.

Patty: Okay.

Elphick: Just, uh, I don't know the way outta here, so…

Patty: Yeah, g-g-good luck, good luck with that. I’ve been here before! [LAUGHS] [FADES OUT]

Moon, narrating: Remember, Patty worked in Epsom town government for three decades. She’s been to the police station before and maybe because of that, she doesn’t sound all that nervous.

She even cracks a joke with the cops. Just a few minutes into their chat, Patty mentions she didn’t eat lunch, and Lt. Kear offers her some almonds.

Patty: …A few almonds, yeah.

Lt. James Kear: I can grab you some almonds.

Patty: And some water?

Kear: They're not sealed.

Patty: No, that's okay. Because I don't think you're trying to poison me, so I'm all set. [LAUGHS]

Kear, off mic: No, no, no…

Patty: But uh… [FADES OUT]

Moon, narrating: A poison joke… with the cops questioning her about her missing husband. Maybe it seemed like the perfect icebreaker in Patty’s head.

After some more chit-chat, Detective Elphick of the New Hampshire State Police gets down to it.

Elphick: So, when's the last time you saw Jay?

Patty: [SIGHS] I see him every day… up here. Um… Okay, let me think. I have to work backwards here… [LONG PAUSE] … [WHISPERS] I see him coming... [LONG PAUSE] [SIGHS] This is February…

Elphick: Mhm.

Patty: Um… I thought he was at his brother's all winter, so it was definitely… in October. October! [KNOCKS ON TABLE] …of ‘23.

Elphick: Okay.

Moon, narrating: Patty explains that by the previous October, in 2023, Jay was feeling humiliated by his dementia. He didn’t want all the Christmas tree customers to see him that way. He wanted to get away.

Patty: So, he said he wanted to go down and visit his brothers. So, I'm like, "Okay! Okay. So, do you want me to, um… Do you want me to call them and make arrangements for transportation?" He said, "No, I'll do that when I'm… when I'm here…." And, um… um, I said, "Are you sure? 'Cause I can call them and, and talk to them while you're here!"

Elphick: Sure.

Patty: And he said, "No, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it." So, I said, "Okay." And I wasn't bossy. If he had, if he had a decision about something, I wasn't the type of person to think that I should be the one in charge.

Elphick: Right.

Patty: So.

Elphick: So, at what point did he… did he leave or did you come home and he wasn't there one day?

Patty: I came home and, uh… he was not there and I figured that he went with his brother.

Elphick: Okay.

Patty: They came and picked him up.

Moon, narrating: Patty says she figured Jay was just at his brother’s house out of state. Only, by this point, Patty knows the police have figured out Jay is not with his brothers.

Elphick: So, if he's not with the brothers – which he's not with his brothers…

Patty: Yeah.

Elphick: …where do you think he is?

Patty: Good question. I don't have a clue! And actually, even though I was like [GASPS] ya know, the dogs and I'm like, I don't want them to find him dead! I want him alive somewhere. But, um, I don't know.

Elphick: If he was to arrange a car service or whatever, how would he pay for it? Do you guys have — not to, not to… Do you guys have credit cards or how would, how would he, you know…?

Patty: No, he, he gave me his credit card, oh, I don't know, years ago, and said, "I, I don't want this."

Elphick: Okay.

Patty: And, um, but he had a stash-a cash somewhere!

Elphick: Does he have a phone?

Patty: This is his phone. [PHONE THUMPS ON TABLE]

Elphick: That's his phone?

Patty: He didn't take it. [PHONE THUMPS ON TABLE]

Elphick: Uh…

Moon, narrating: Patty is saying she came home one day to find her husband of 40-odd years gone — the one with dementia, who’s been wandering, can’t drive, and who left his phone behind — and assumes he just left to visit his brother out of state… which is why Patty is not even the one to called to report Jay missing.

Elphick: So, you haven't talked to him since October or how–

Patty: Right.

Elphick: —no, no see or haven't heard from him in October. Have you been concerned about where he is at all? Like, would it be unlike…

Patty: Well, not until lately because I thought he was with his brothers.

Elphick: But would it be unlike him to not talk to you for all this time?

Patty: Considering hi–the, the amount of time that he sleeps and he's not, like, with the pro– ya know, not here and now, um… I… I just figured he was spending those few minutes with his brothers, not…

Elphick: Have you ever…

Patty: And…

Elphick: Have you called the brothers to check on him at all?

Patty: Just when we were try-trying to… when the police came to look for him.

Elphick: Okay.

Patty: But I didn't, because I… [SIGHS] He taught me a long time ago not to be pushy about stuff. He's an adult. He makes his decisions. Some decisions we make together.

Elphick: Sure.

Patty: And, yeah, I could have called him, but most of the time he's sleeping, so I quit bothering, ya know?

Elphick: Have you ever thought… W-what was your plan… did you have a plan? As in, like, it gets to a certain month and he's not here and I haven't heard or seen from him. Like, maybe I should start reporting this?

Patty: Well, no, because I thought he was at his, with his brothers.

Elphick: Right. But if you haven't seen him or heard from him, when you guys haven't had these big periods of separation since 1980, you haven't thought like, "Okay, if it comes to next October and it's been a whole year that I haven't seen or heard from him, like maybe I should start figurin' out what to do?"

Patty: Well, you guys are doin' that now.

Elphick: But that's not because you called us. At what point would you have called me and said, "Hey, my husband's–"

Patty: Oh, I see! Well… that's a good question because, uh… he… a coupla reasons. Because he told me not to talk about it, which obviously, now, legally, I nee– have to. And, um, what's the other thing? Oh! Time flies. Like… pshoo!

[PAUSE]

Moon, narrating: I don’t know exactly what the police officers were thinking in this moment. But I’ll tell you what I thought. What the hell is going on?

[MUSIC IN]

Moon, narrating: Usually, when someone’s spouse is missing and their story about it doesn’t make sense, I might assume the worst. But in this case, the story was so bizarre, I didn’t know what to think.

What was going on in Patty’s mind? Could she really believe what she’s saying? Did Jay wander off and Patty just didn’t report it? Would that be a crime?

And… where is Jay? Was there any chance he was still alive? Or is his body somewhere up on the Christmas tree farm?

I was beginning to fall down a rabbit hole. And at the bottom of it, were a bunch of people who’d already been down there for months.

Bartocci, on the phone: The whole thing is, like, just a bizarre mystery. It's like all these questions that the town has, the community has, are just, like, unanswered.

[MUSIC OUT]

Moon, narrating: And just like the original tipster warned me, the search for answers would only get stranger.

[MUSIC IN]

[TAPE MONTAGE]

Chief Brian Michael: You haven't been in any legal trouble, right, Pat? Ever?

Patty: Me?

Michael: You've never had to deal with the legal system, right?

Patty: I was on a jury one time. [CHUCKLES]

Michael: Good for you!

Joe Murphy: Honey, let's take a walk up into the woods. Let's see what we can find. And get hit over the head with a shovel… and buried.

Kay Danko, on the phone: My initial thought was she killed him because that was what I always thought would happen.

Patty Hickey, on the phone: No way. No way! They have no idea how much we loved each other.

[MUSIC UP]

Medium: Let me just ask him if he broke a bone or… um, okay. Now my spirit guides are telling me he had a concussion.

Andrea Novotny, on the phone: She was after me because she didn't like the toilet paper I had ordered for the office.

Moon, on the phone: Well, what kind of toilet paper did you order?

Robert Koester, on the phone: As a search planner, I know I will probably get more resources for a missing 2-year-old search than a missing 72-year-old search.

Katie Bartocci, on the phone: I kind of revert back to, like, that Bear Brook thing. Like, what if we were to just come across something?

Cathy O'Mara, on the phone: Ya know, and I wrote down, she said, “You know, I, I found him.”

Moon, narrating: From New Hampshire Public Radio and Bear Brook, I’m Jason Moon and this is A Private Matter.

[MUSIC UP AND OUT]

Nate Hegyi: That was the season three premiere of Bear Brook. If you want to hear more follow Bear Brook on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.